A Journal
Sunday, Oct 27th, 2024
On my last night in New York I thought it fitting to go see The Great Gatsby musical on Broadway..it was the greatest Gatsby, extraordinary, high flying, incredible production, songs, vocalists, actors… simply a spectacle of wonderous proportions. Sadly, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. The director was either a fool or a genius. I can't decide. I think that makes them a genius.
Friday, Oct 16th, 2024
The sweetest note
Monday, Sept 2nd, 2024
In no particular order (unless you mean what I like the most from top to bottom in my current mood), here are my favourite local Saint John NB songs and one of my local Playlists I am creating for an upcoming road trip. My personal local favs!
1)The Black Path -Adam Mowery
2)Centre of a Long Time (full band version)- Mowery
3)The Girl With No Tattoo -Adam Mowery
4) Ghost Town - Naked Baron
5) Angels of Canterbury Street -Clinton Charlton
6)Ultra Linear -Reagan's Rayguns (cause Adam's bass, but Sean Boyer's songwriting is always great)
6) Bill Murray - Something French
7) BYOD -Plasticwar (I count this cause Jay Ogden wrote it. It's rated R, heads family friendly peeps)
8) Crash & Burn -Jessica Rhaye/Brent Mason
9) Imperial show - Breast Milk & Tears - by Hilary Ladd (particularly the piano ballads)
10) Anything by Cole (Savoie. Also can be very R rated)
This list is from the top of my head. I am missing tons! e.g. I like some Penny Blacks. I also like Hospital Grade and Ermine and Catherine Kennedy’s voice and Comeau seems like he is a star straight out of the 50s, and John Mclaggan wrote a song I loved a few years back, and i have not heard Gavin Downe's new band but i know he writes lovely songs. I always thought David Elliot was a natural star, and Geoffrey Smith’s stuff is beautiful - he's from the legendary LYLM. Brent is a lyrical legend himself. Still missing tons, like Papal Visit. So much genuine talent in SJ for such a small place. That’s all I can think of right now. There would be so much I don’t know. I used to get out more. Peace.
Leo
Sunday, August 18th, 2024
Some recent updates..
*I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Jenna Morton on WFNB’s writer’s podcast: Wordcraft Podcast (although I can’t bring myself to listen to myself, I remember having a wonderful time discussing creativity with Jenna.. and the long lost novel I discuss on the podcast I wrote years ago, well.. I found a local New Brunswick Publisher (Galleon Books) not long after I did the interview!) I want to give a better shout out to the Great Books program at Stu I only mentioned in passing - they are brilliant teachers there, and it’s where I found a passion for deep literature and writing. Listen here if it pleases you: https://open.spotify.com/episode/22AJuzEVsfjBzQ4vLpSkkx?si=-aNcin0HQ5KiaLROnG5ulw
*I got the grant for writing a new novel from Artsnb! The first three books in The Errand series are mysterious fairy poems. The fourth book will be more like a traditional novel, and my Publisher plans to have all four in the same binding (four-in-one) so that each book is more like a chapter (which is more in line with our original idea). It’s going to be cool to see the books altogether like this.
*Tyler Warren Ellis and I are going to be releasing the films for my first two books for rent or purchase online soon. Stay tuned. They are recommended for ages 7-15. Excited to release them! We’ve got some great trailers to go with them, and Hemmings House Pictures helped us with the animation on the films.
*The music Rachel has for the third score for The Errand: The Queen (third book in series) is just gorgeous so far! Some tweaking to be done, but I’m loving where she’s going with it.
*I wrote some thoughts down on the Alice Munro thing.. originally I thought I would try and break it all down, but realized it’s beyond me. I will share some brief thoughts soon though.
*Here’s a lovely mail from Sheree Fitch
Leo
Tuesday, June 18th, 2024
Haven’t updated here in a while!
*Just finished a short story for adults to accompany a collection of short stories I’m working on (it’s the second story in the collection thus far). Working on the re-writes now and it’s close. More on those stories later.
*I’ve got a novel coming out probably sometime next year through Galleon Books. It’s a strange book - a children’s novel for adults. Pretty excited about it.
*Rachel Kidd and I have started, after a long hiatus, working on the musical score for the third book of The Errand series. She’s writing it, of course, and sending me ideas for ideas. The show at the Imperial has been put on hold as my initial stage ideas weren’t right at all; and I’m not sure when we will be back up and running for that particular show.. However, I’ve started taking the books and musical scores into classrooms for live readings and workshops which has always been my main end goal. I like to engage with the kids and be creative with them with ideas.
*I wrote a couple of grants. Fingers crossed.
*I’m working on a small novel for teenagers that will be about 20k thousand words. It’s the fourth installment in The Errand series. Writing.. and re-writing.
*I’m going to do some cruise ship book signings soon. I forget what days I’m booked, but will post on social media if anyone is around and wants to say hi.
That’s all for now!
Leo
Thursday, Dec 7th, 2023
I have started doing.. live readings and workshops for kids! 
Leo
Friday, Oct 20th 2023
Had a wonderful time hanging out with the staff at Indigo last weekend..can't say enough about how smart and fun they all are (even the swifties) ! We almost sold out of the first book, I met a surprising amount of other writers and artists and we had great chats...one little girl was sooo excited to get my book that made my whole weekend ! Huge thank you to Miranda and Indigo staff for having me, my books, and our animated films on display.
Leo
Wednesday, Sept 15th 2023
Another journal note from my time in China.. the day before 2020. Calm, peaceful. 2019. 12. 31. An Old Photograph I saw a frozen pool of water that felt like a very old, living black and white photograph. The hundreds of willow leaves were perfectly caught in the morning light (as it was just a feeling of non-colour with so many shades of grey or darkness), some falling or floating, some landed at the pool’s bottom like little Chinese boats shipwrecked there. There were sprays of white in the frozen water that looked like creases formed in the photograph. Many rocks were given a heartbeat by the warm, frozen stillness. A lighter was only half way in the ice, the other half oddly colourful, undecided on immortality. The pieces were waiting for some director to yell ‘cut’ before they slipped into Spring and continued on with their tinkle, or their bobbing, or their molding decay. Leo
Sunday, August 27th 2023
Cinematographer Tyler Warren Ellis has been putting all of his technical and creative abilities into two 18 minute animated films for my books ('animated books' might be a better descriptor) that will be presented at my show at the Imperial Theatre. Not to mention, Andrew MacRae, through Hemmings House Pictures, has provided very special animation work that has been added to the mix. I’ve never had the pleasure of being the director for films (animated books) like these before, and without Hemmings House, or someone as highly skilled, knowledgeable, talented, and dedicated as Tyler Warren Ellis, it simply wouldn’t happen. I can’t wait to show everyone who comes out! I really can't say enough about Tyler and how important he has been to my show... he has been there since day one, providing exceptional technical feedback and knowledge and creative input. It's a special thing to work with him as he knows how to beautifully translate all of my ideas and also provides a plethora of great ideas of his own. He is always willing to take on new challenges, learn new things, develop new skills. Simply put, he is a wizard of extraordinary magic. **Rachel Kidd deserves a lot of credit for how (I believe) wonderfully these films are turning out as well given she wrote the scores for them, and the music placements for each shift between animated illustrations are (I believe) extremely well crafted. It was a delight work with Rachel on those scores, as working with Rachel is like nothing I've ever experienced. I mean, it's ridiculous what she can do and the beauty that pours out of her musically (more on that in an earlier journal note). The combination of Adam's illustrations, Rachel's music, and Tyler's videos... well, it's like being a kid in a candy store for me Directing with such extraordinary individuals. What an actual treat. I make sure to sit down and pinch myself.. and if this is a deep dream that requires a stronger force than a pinch, well, I choose to stay dreaming.
Leo
Thursday, August 17th 2023
I have been working with these highly gifted pros this past week.. Tyler Warren Ellis, Jenny Godin, and Sean Boyer. From cinematography, to puppetry, to qlab.. all things creative or technical, three amazingly gifted, passionate, and solid humans to work with. 
The beginnings of a giant spider
Tyler hanging out today at the Imperial Theatre as we are about to test out his video animation prowess up on the big screen.. to great success I might add.
Masterful Boyer working his technical magic as the renaissance man at The Imperial Theatre
Leo
Sunday, July 2nd, 2023
I was in China in 2020. Interesting to see my perspective change so quickly in these journal entries from January to February 2020.. and how drastically my perspective changed over the coming months. 2020.01.29.
I saw many hidden faces on the street, on the bus, in the mall, in the underground passages throughout the city. Faces hiding from a secret, veiled thing, looking to take lives, not many lives, but one life dropped on the great sea of social media is enough to cause waves that lap on the furthest shores. The masks worn to hide the many faces were of a large variety and colour - some helpful, some not, some useful masks worn with the knowledge of their usefulness; most unhelpful masks worn without the knowledge of their uselessness. Others walking about with no mask at all, in great defiance, no more aware of how sensible this is than if it were a genuine plague. Some walked around with their mask under their nose, as if it was half sensible to do this and stay comfortable (god dammit). Many shops closed, shuttered, in great fear, lest death come to their doorstep and find them happy and cheerful and disobedient. Others were sensibly open, wary, but not stupid, knowing a certain form of death does not knock before he senses fear and so better to go this way than endure death twice. I saw smiling eyes under the masks, flirtatious eyes, curious eyes, bored eyes, desperate eyes, seeing eyes, stupid eyes, and eyes that were happy everyone was finally joining them on their great sense of fashion. Perhaps following them. I saw fear - the crossing of the road to avoid coming too close. I saw fear in me - the waitress picking up and pouring more water into my dinner glass that I will now no longer drink from. I felt discomfort - the uselessness of my smile and the missing humanity that grows from a smile, the contagious cheerfulness more deadly to all things gloomy than the coronavirus is to man. I felt this uncomfortableness especially because body language is so important in a world where my tongue means so little. I saw simplicity and grace in the working Chinese who must carry on, even the ones who were afraid to be outside their homes.
2020.02.04.
I saw the tissue on my coffee table pulled out at the top of the package like a fine, white sail, billowing as it raced around the islands of my books and fruit and ashtray. Yesterday, it was a great wave splashing down, as though the entire ocean had turned to white from billions of these crests crashing into it. I saw my neighbour outside my apartment. We both smiled warmly with mouths tightly shut, as neither of us were wearing masks, both trying to convince the other of our warmth while holding our breath for fear the other might kill us.
I saw the many paths on the small mountain by my apartment carved out with great care by the feet of many peaceful stories. I saw the great, lofty wire towers, like many gods stretched out holding hands as far as the eye can see. I saw mountains in the lingering sun that sheltered these gods. I saw great buildings, my district, block-out the entire sunset; but the warm lights glowed from hundreds of these apartments as though the setting sun was penetrating the cement structures and pouring through the far side. I saw kind faces, out for a walk on a cold winter day. I saw many oak leaves, dead, but still clinging to their respective branches, hanging there as fake papery leaf ornaments. They felt this way too. It is ugly to look at a fake flower (or leaf) that has the notion, the utter arrogance, to assume realism. But it is beautiful to see a real flower look fake, or a dead one to feel like an ornament. It is the hint of the fairy.
I saw the sun teeter on the edge of the great precipice and fall into oblivion. It was a special coming of night, where perhaps the clouds along the horizon were thick, or the buildings that surrounded the lower rings of the mountain I wandered cut off the light so abruptly that twilight was strangled from existence and day to night went like a switch. One moment I was dazzled by the warmth of deep blood orange, the next I was in darkness surrounded by millions of city lights. I felt this change deeply, as I breathed in the remaining glow, the ocean to my left, putting my head down for mere seconds before I looked up and it was night and the ocean was swallowed up. That said, past the city, along the mountains, in the far distance, a line of light could be seen gently bending back into the horizon, allowing for a proper twilight in the darker places. Leo
Thursday, June 28th, 2023
I recently had the incredible privilege of Producing two musical scores for my upcoming show at the Imperial Theatre. If you find yourself lucky enough to be in a similar scenario - without education, a complete hack -, with a stubborn drive and vision for storytelling, here are some thoughts on how I managed (It should be noted that the following bit of writing assumes my bias that the music Rachel Kidd wrote for my books is amazing. It is!) Make use of FearThere will come a time in this process when you need to embrace silence. You’ll be working with professionals who have, without exaggeration, given more than a quarter of their lives to developing and perfecting a musical craft and it will be imperative that you let them have the floor. However, when it comes to vision and storytelling, this is not the time (echoes of Tolkien ending). You have to speak up and be fearless (or, as Steinbeck put it – to use your profound cowardice to be very brave). And you have to do it in a room full of people who are much smarter than you, with credentials you don’t have. It’s time to believe in your storytelling gift and embrace your inner stubbornness. It’s the reason you’re here. If you’re not insightful or don’t have vision, they’ll find out soon enough and stop listening to everything you have to say. If you do in fact have musical insight, however, you will, still, unfortunately, sound like a complete moron (I do.. all the time) but you’ll earn their respect. It’s your job to assist with guiding the composition— giving general overall direction—themes, feelings, tips and imaginative ideas— along with very specific editing (I’m surprisingly good at this, which I discovered from sticking my neck out a few years back. E.g. Pull the violin out for the first three seconds; take out the dark piano notes and see what that sounds like; shrink this section; tighten this up; take the drums out at these specific times to give this section a stronger subtlety and drop them back in here; bring this bit of music full circle later on exactly at this moment, this needs to be bigger, this section needs to be more lush, etc). That’s one of the many magical things about storytelling— it is sometimes transferable. You may find you have a gift with writing stories that can translate to helping the mold of a song or film or score. And remember—everyone has dumb ideas. If you’re anything like me, you have wildly terrible ideas all the time. Create a space in your mind where terrible ideas are acceptable. The best designs often need an impertinent chisel, and terrible ideas are the cornerstone of every complete vision. Use them to build an empire of creativity. Talk to people. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all have egos in the creative world. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they’re lying. That doesn’t mean our egos translate to all facets of our lives, necessarily, but to the creative side they are definitely there. However, you have to will that aside and ask for help. I'm very lucky to know many incredible, classically trained friends, and I selected four people to be my inner circle on this. I could have easily chosen a dozen given the generosity in town, but keeping things simple and the doorways few makes the navigation easier. I held consultations with these brilliant and generous friends. They gave me great ideas, both technical (timpani drums.. all day) and creative, and inspired me to have my own. I could approach them with only my feelings and they were able to translate that to, 'oh, you need this in classical music terms.' Most importantly, they helped me wrap my head around something so big and new to me. It’s important you choose the right people to ask for guidance. That’s part of the process of Producing. Like directing a film. If you choose the wrong people to surround you, the ideas and inspiration will also be wrong. So good on you if you can find the right people. Remember – you’re in a privileged position and get to pick and choose the ideas you like that suite your specific taste or vision, and veto the rest before you hand it over to the composer. Rachel took all of the information I presented, made a bit of progress with the work, stumbled, fumbled it, fell on her face, got back up but stepped backwards, teetered, and then I witnessed a beautiful thing—she began to move forward at an incredible rate, shooting up into the sky high above much of anything we had to offer. That is, she ran away with this weird new (to us) genre of book and music in astounding fashion, and I had a front row seat watching a pro musician master a new class of creativity. It was magical. This brings me to my next point. (*Remember to hire an incredible Audio Engineer as well. Someone who understands creativity, has a high musicianship, and a lot of experience in recording. Choose someone who loves the magic of what they do - who sees the importance of story and drama unfolding in the minute details of mixing, as it will be your role to work with them closely and be their guide in a way, with final say on all mixing. I went with Tim Davidson of Ripple Effect Music for audio-engineering. Tim is.. amazing. If you live in SJ, Tim or Corey are great options for this sort of thing (that I know of.). And of course, John Mclaggen is making waves as our new local Mastering technician. No surprise there, so easy choice. We recorded the music at the beautiful Imperial Theatre with the help of the extraordinary Imperial team led on those days by Sean Boyer.. and Rachel brought along the indelible Tutta Musica Orchestra featuring Claire Ahern (flute); Andrew George (clarinet); Jon Fisher (horn); Ian Gibson (perc); Shelby Marshall (piano); Rachel Kidd herself (Violin); Katie Bestvater (Cello), and Byrann Gowan (Bass).. It’s not easy to do, but if you get lucky enough, extremely lucky, my thought is to go as big as possible for a recording of this nature. My luck fell into the hands of local entertainment guru Chuck Teed (and by extension, my project manager Hilary Ladd developed an extraordinarily helpful long term belief), as he saw the potential of my books translating to the Imperial stage and Angela Campbell (the director of The Imperial Theatre) decided Chuck was right. Everything that follows is a result of the initial belief of these individuals. You need someone to believe in you and your work*) The End Goal of Producing is Ultimately Not About You or Your Vision. The ultimate end goal is letting go of your ego and pushing the composer to be the best version of themselves. Puuuuushing them. That’s your job. You are hiring them to write the work. And if you’re hiring someone to write a musical score, that means you’re also hiring them to be a Producer of many hats as well. For every production idea you have, the composer will have 50 of their own. They are always thinking about production and it is next level stuff. e.g. When writing a simple folk pop song (like I do), 99% of the time the song revolves around the chorus—verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, etc, and so the ideas for production - what instruments, how they play, and when they play - follow easily enough and are (usually) there to support and give deeper meaning to the main vocal melody, repeating throughout (drums, bass, guitar, etc). Simple. With a score, throw all that out the window. It resembles the wind more than it resembles a song. It can change on a dime depending on what’s going on in any given moment within the drama. As a Producer, you can ask the composer for re-writes (I asked for so many re-writes that Rachel’s 9-year-old son was calling out while Rachel was writing a new piece, ‘I don’t think Leo will like that, mom.’), you can ask for very specific or very general edits, but all of this is contingent on the fact that your composer is a technical and creative master at writing and production. To me, a great score writer will have a pliability or softness at their core, and that is a sort of inner tool of production that’s able to branch-outwards, connecting new ideas to their knowledge and technical ability and bleeding it all together with their deep creativity, all the while linking… multiple… instruments. This is a kind of ridiculous thing, and it deserves an almost holy praise. Rachel has this in spades, and it’s always important to remember that. The score writer is the one writing all of the incredible music and piecing it all together. So, part of your job, often, is simply to tell them if they aren’t reaching the top of their game, to puuuussshhhhhh, or, conversely, when you’re in love with the piece and it’s time to move on to the next section. It’s a very important role, and can mean a great deal to the final product without question, but don’t let it go to your head. It’s like giving a writer feedback on a piece of writing (aside from the veto power and things already mentioned). The ideas or suggestions a beta reader provides to a writer only work if the writer has the talent to integrate and transform them, turning them into something beautiful that makes sense. The ideas are extremely important, and a humble writer screams with joy to have people around who can provide good feedback, but without that talent, the ideas are disconnected islands with no bridge, or tunnel, or merging landmass to connect them. The score writer reigns supreme despite your veto power, and so it is important to be grateful for the up-close view of such astounding musical creativity. Which brings us to my next point. Silence There is a time for speaking fearlessly, even fiercely (not really needed in my scenario with Rachel who was tirelessly willing to listen to my thoughts, but you have to stand your ground), or digging a little bit on purpose and pushing the composer in mildly uncomfortable ways to reach for better. We all need this. But just as important… there is a time to embrace silence. For example, when you’ve worked with the composer intimately on the creative side of things, and even on the occasional very fine edit, it does not mean you get to walk into rehearsals and start dictating how the musicians play. Your work is basically done at this point. If the writing is not to your liking, and you haven’t spoken up about it before now, there’s no time for it during rehearsals, it’s too late. At rehearsals there are some minor things you can keep an eye out for—has any of the composition changed by accident and is clearly different now? or has anything been left out accidentally? etc. Otherwise, time to shut up and try and enjoy it. A full orchestra can and will feel intimidating (I was sick with lingering covid, but also scared, and there is no shame in admitting that), but your composer will know exactly what to do. Let them do it. They’ve been training for production moments like this since they were three years old. Weird math stuff and all that. It’s not time for your (sometimes very helpful in the creating process) imaginative gibberish. I have a personality that enjoys talking and equally enjoys saying nothing at all. I’m not always good at shutting up when I should, but this shy quiet side came in handy during rehearsals and also during sound recording. Don’t use this time to brag about what your contributions were (plenty of time for that later!). They need to focus on the highest level of musical language because what they’re playing is so full and complicated. They’re pros for a reason, and you’re privileged to be in the same room. It’s good to be quiet and listen to the beautiful music. Not Least Try and find a kindred spirit if you can. Someone who understands the story or work intuitively. I lucked out with Adam (the illustrator) and Rachel. We all feel deeply about the stories. It really makes a world of difference when everyone is passionate about what is being created. These are the things I learned while producing two musical scores! Perhaps you can take something from it, or burn the information as sacrilege. I’m good with whatever gets you going. Special shout out to my friends Andre and Kath who share my taste and were always around on this project to bestow their incredible experience and feedback! Not to mention Katie Bestvater, who's creativity has been a source of inspiration to anything I've been involved in musically, and Greg Hemmings, of course, who tirelessly reads, listens to, or watches all the creativity I've piled into his inbox over the years, providing wonderful, detailed feedback. P.S. I don’t want to puff people up with processed bologna by saying that anyone can produce music, or write a book, or become an incredible architect, or whatever, like a million online salesmen trying to take advantage of your deepest dreams. However, everyone does have creativity, and I personally think that most people have a wonderful little gift waiting to be discovered. Sadly, many people go their entire lives without ever unlocking it, sometimes due to deep fears of creating something poor, or believing it pointless given it will never get into a magazine or on the radio or on public display somewhere. Often, I think, we get fixated on the kind of creativity we idealized as children, and the disappointment of not having that very specific talent creates a wound and puts up a block for the thing we’re really actually good at. I think I see this all the time in people and I want to give them a shake and tell them they have vision and talent. Keep your heart open to new avenues of creativity.
Leo All photos credited to the unfading Tyler Warren Ellis 
Wednesday, June 27th, 2023
I often wish I was a bit more like Ratty in The Wind in the Willows, ‘fumbling around’ with my poems with no intention of ever really showing anyone (outside of maybe a best pal). What I mean is, doing art for its own sake. The value of being published, for example, should not outweigh the value of writing. There is nothing inherently wrong with making money. i.e. Michelangelo certainly got paid. The Grapes of Wrath was a best seller that ironically made Steinbeck rich. Making money and receiving peer recognition are not modern-day inventions, and it is a dream worth having. But elements of this vision have spread into our day to day lives perhaps like never before. We’ve (apparently) banished the greedy tyrant but kept their gnawing appetite for ourselves. I would like to learn how to be better at fumbling aimlessly with my pen and enjoying that, without considering all the other stuff, because wisdom says writing a shitty poem for no reason at all—as Vonnegut famously put—is, perhaps, the most inspiring thing in the universe.
Illustration compliments of the incredible Chris Dunn!
Wednesday, May 11th, 2022
A character sketch I wrote inspired by a good friend of mine… he’s kind of a true Huckleberry Finn type.. really looking for that way out..He was far too content a human being to put pen to paper. His mind danced with poetry and myth in a serene, natural way, leaving him without the void that painfully entices the writer to strip metaphors from life and force them unwillingly onto a page. The writer asks, ‘Why do I write?’ and in quick turn, without hesitation, replies, ‘my pen understands me.’ He had no such need, as he felt understood by the birds, the trees, the rivers, the oceans, and nothing delighted him more than to reflect upon the song these naturally ornamental entities lifted him to, often birthing an untroubled, crystal laughter, his instrument and part to play in the lustrous, ever constant melody. If the great pain yet comes, wiping away the happiness he so naturally develops, he may find that a dip in ink and a plunge onto parchment are newly necessary endeavours he cannot forsake. Until that day, let the poetry exist in him as it was meant to: let the mirth and myth not falter or be stripped from life, manipulated onto a page, closed in a book, to exist only when the spine is bent in a singular, solitary fashion, creased in an ever deeper fitting groove. No. Let the metaphor continue to be draped before his eyes without a need to tear it forcefully from its natural setting. Let them both, metaphor and man, exist in their proper place… until that day.Much of his contentment was furthered beyond most men in this: He desired no followers. Many men, he thought, in their heart of hearts, desire other men to follow them, even at the desert of who they truly are. They often play the part of helper or healer, even in areas of knowledge they have no say, speaking unknown lies from their heart, feigning interests or superficial empathies, for it lends to the hand of power. It is their hell though, he says. A hell of incessantly, unconsciously casting out for the weak, feigning deep empathy and pity, layered thickly with an oily longing to ‘help’, neglecting their true selves in every step and stage of it. A narcissistic obsession deemed by the world as a superman’s attribute, glorifying; and deemed by the heart as unwanted, depressive, smug sanctimonies: for the perverse rush of obsessive pity simply cannot last. It is sooner or later relieved by an equally perverse sense of gratifying power, neither of which feel to the intensity of real pity or power when felt in such neurotic, unreal fashions. He saw this hell in many men, and wished to steer clear of it at all costs. ‘Follow me,’ he heard them say, ‘I have what you need. I can change you for the better.’ Instead, his mantra persisted and endured, yes, at times forlornly, with the melody of leading no man but himself. Pretending he held in his hand what others needed so they could pretend to heal and follow him seemed in union with insanity. It was insanity, as far as he was concerned. Sometimes he got lonely; but quite often, when in league with a truer path, happiness, he found, was blooming in the undergrowth.Wednesday, May 11th, 2022
This is a song I wrote inspired by another good friend of mine.. he’s just one of those guys..deserves a song. The very first thing he said to me, in his classic, charming, bob dylanesque I am both the villain and the hero off the cuff response, ‘it is about gd time someone wrote a song about me.’ And he was right.‘Like Beauty’
Consecrate our Rose
She was meant to grow
Paupers were then kings
So I had a feast and grew wings
I ran for you, Oh I do, I run every single day
Prepare my soul for hell or more,
goddamn my wings, I pray.
Lovers then we were, in the cover of our youth
You were there, you were, or did I make that up to?
Like the fire in the elevator?
Roll the dice, feel my vice
It flows within my blood
Like Holiday, or Johnny Ringo
The hole in me, it's too much
So I father up this lullaby
To ease my soul tonight
I think of her with a glass of wine
Brings me down to a malt
Bring me down to a malt
Hello again my friend
It's been 20 years or so
Does it seem so long
Your years were strong
But age has left its mark
My Penelope, come to me
I'll skewer those suitors through
But Saint John said, ‘forgive those when
They've not forgiven you’
Well I've not forgiven you
So, will you forgive me too...?
Like Beauty, Beauty, Like Beauty in your blues
Tuesday, June 16th, 2020
Where I’m at
So.. I was planning on recording a new album this year. Of course, well.. you know. Not happening. But I am lucky enough that I still have those songs and will have the means to record them at all someday. That’s amazing, and perspective is a small, partial triumph in any difficult situation (my situation is not difficult). Many millions don’t even have the luxury of that. Imagine making less than 5.50 a day to feed the little ones you love, and that income disappears. Sophocles said that worse than death is the wish to die and not be able to. People live in this place.
Regarding song-writing, I actually took a year off from writing any songs. I still wrote melodies and sang them, but I kept no record of them and didn’t write any words down. They’re all gone. I needed to get the idea out of my head that creation was purely intended for a well polished product, however painfully gained. I wanted less of a struggle. Or more of a balance. A finished product is great, and god knows I love polishing as much as any other writer, but the obsessiveness of it can be strange or unproductive. Or just too much of something can take over your life. Anyway, I wanted to relax and live. So I stopped. Simple as that. Got some perspective. I think I’ve written my most human songs since then.
I also took a year off from listening to music in my headphones. Sounds pretentious or something (should it?). But I’m one of those people who really knows how to escape, or can’t help being profoundly affected by whatever art they are indulging in, and I didn’t want to anymore. I wanted to focus more on my surroundings and the things and the people I was seeing and hearing and feeling. Headphones are a wonderful invention. I once wrote in my journal that words are the most important human invention, but headphones are a close second. A ridiculous hyperbole, but.. I can really.. just.. disappear, or feel like I need to disappear, and headphones are so easy. So I stopped. Took a look around. Listened for a different kind of music. I mean that more profoundly, but it is amazing how much I have loved hearing a wonderful melody coming from anywhere – a car, the bus, the mall, a busker, etc – while in the middle of my day. It feels more like the birds are singing for you when you are being you.
Anyway, like I mentioned, I was hoping to record a new album this year.. eventually, I will. And when the door for that stage opens again, this is the set list:
Hero influences on this record are many:
Dostoevsky
The Grateful Dead
Paul Simon
Tom Waits
Lewis Caroll David Adams Richards
Townes Van Zandt
Song titles:
By the Willows
Cordia
Alice
Lucy
Holly
Like Beauty
The First One Hundred Pages of Raskolnikov’s Journey
Alice (2)
Lay Me Down (2)
Holy
I already play songs from this album in my live sets more than any other song previously recorded. Excited about this record! !!
Post. Script. Soon (I’m bad at this, which is bad for business), I’ll write about what I’ve been up to strictly as a writer of words without the music.